Inventory

140km/h = 140,000m
1hour = 3,600 seconds
Ball travels at 38.8888889 metres per second
Pitch = 20.1168 metres
Legal delivery @ 140km/h = 0.51728914 seconds to reach batsman
1cm behind the front foot no ball = 0.51986057 seconds to reach batsman
*These rules obviously don't apply when you're batting at 8:45pm in the nets on a Tuesday night against two 1st graders with brand new balls off 17 yards.
(quick maffs)

I sledged the opposition's opening batsman for having "all the gear and no idea," but secretly I envied his clean crisp pads and new stick.

"They're a bunch of ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥, too" is an essential part of the batsman's lament as he briefs his team post-dismissal.

To build an impression of familiarity with good players, use their birth name. 'Steve' becomes 'Stephen' -it oozes almost familial closeness.

The father of existentialism, Socrates, said "All I know is that I know nothing"

But even he knew not to bowl on my pads with a 7-2 field.

My 4 year old nephew learnt a valuable lesson in the backyard yesterday: you can't bowl on my pads with a 7-2 field.

Remember, there’s no present too disappointing that can’t be fixed with two leg gully’s, a deep square leg and a bat-pad in the backyard on christmas day

In the post-wicket huddle, we all eagerly await the bowler's acerbic one-liner before exploding into an exaggerated cacophony of laughter.