Inventory

My name is Walter Salmon

I was born in Atlantis with twin brothers named Gerbopo and Jose. I lived a very poor life. My father worked as a shower curtain designer, which is a job that does not generate a lot of income. My mother had been diagnosed with a severe case of laziness at an early age, crippling her life and our family.

Eventually, tragedy struck as my father died from being the first person to attempt to eat a whole blue whale without any milk, and my mother accidentally killed herself while trying to beat a spider to death with a squeaky dog toy. There was no one to work for us, no one to feed me and my two brothers. But, we were clever, and were able to learn and master the ancient art of photosynthesis. My brothers and I survived for 7 years off of the dim light of the sun shining through the massive ocean above us. However, during the government shut-down of 2013, the sun was temporarily turned off, and our means of living on were cut short.

In order to survive, I had to eat my own brothers. Jose tasted better.

After digesting my brothers, I had no more food. I was forced to travel to the surface, in which I made a new life amongst the surface-dwellers. I learned how to do new things, like riding bikes, making sandwiches, and I learned much about English grammar, however, I am still not very good at it? I liked it on the surface, and resolved never to again enter the dark depths of the ocean. Never shall I return to my birthplace under the waves, the lost city of Atlantis.

And now here I am.