Inventory

Galatians 5:22-23

Steamed Hams

Skinner: Oh Superintendent, I was just, er, stretching my calves of the windowsill, isometric exercise. Care to join me?

Chalmers: Er, right. Seymour, why is there smoke coming out of your oven?

Skinner: Oh no! That isn't smoke, that's steam. Steam from the steamed clams we're having. Mmmm, steam clams.

[Skinner runs across to Krusty Burger to buy burgers to replace his burnt roast. He enters the dining room with them.]

Skinner: Well, Superintendent, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers!

Chalmers: I thought you said we were having steamed clams?

Skinner: Oh no, I said 'steamed hams'. That's what I call hamburgers.

Chalmers: You call hamburgers steamed hams?

Skinner: Yes. It's a, regional dialect.

Chalmers: Oh yeah? What region?

Skinner: Er, upstate New York.

Chalmers: Really. Well I'm from Utica and I've never heard the phrase 'steamed hams' before.

Skinner: Oh no, not in Utica it's an, Albany expression.

Chalmers: I see. You know these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Krusty Burger.

Skinner: Haha, oh no, patented Skinner burgers. Old family recipe.

Chalmers: For steamed hams?

Skinner: Yes.

Chalmers: Yes and you call them steamed hams, despite the fact that are obviously grilled.

Skinner: Uh you know... One thing I should... excuse me for one second.

Chalmers: Of course.

[Skinner enters and leaves the kitchen swiftly upon seeing it is now on fire]

Skinner: Well, that was wonderful. A good time was had by all. I'm pooped.

Chalmers: Yes, I should be--good lord, what is happening in there?!

Skinner: Aurora Borealis?

Chalmers: Aurora Borealis?! At this time of year?!? In this part of the country!? :Localized entirely within your kitchen!?!

Skinner: Yes.

Chalmers: May I see it?

Skinner: Er, no.

Agnes: Seymour, the house is on fire!

Skinner: No, Mother, it's just the Northern Lights.

Chalmers: Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow but I must say you steam a good ham.