Inventory

Well me name it is Michael and I’ve lived in Dublin all me life
My father was a farmer and me mother was the farmers wife
They raised them up a family of girls to number twenty-one
Of which I am the youngest and me blessed father’s only son
Now living with so many girls ye’d think me hair’d be in curls
ye’d think I’d wear a scarf and have me earrings set with pretty purls

Oh, but I am a master of a man with manly passion
And I always kiss the girls in a very manly fashion
I wear a manly mustache and I drink me whiskey manly-like
And all me friends’ll warn ye not to pick a row with “manly Mike”
Last week I kissed the sheriffs’ wife; she kissed me back with little strife
She swore it was the finest kiss she’d ever had in all her life
But the sheriff saw the kissin’ and he swore upon his station
He’d use his legal powers to change my situation
He went to the magistrate and told him of my rampage
When drunk, I fell upon his wife and took unfair advantage
He swore that I had pulled a knife and put it to his pretty wife
And charged her for a kiss or else I’d disengage her very life
Aye, and other wrongful charges he drew up without true evidence
And thus convinced the magistrate that I should pay a recompense
Well I had to stand the trial because I refused to pay the fine
I smiled when it turn out, the magistrate; he was a friend of mine
Your honor, Mister Cassidy if you have the capacity
I’ll give back the kiss I stole and thus prove my varassity
Well the sheriff’s wife was willin’, and the sheriff had to curse and swear
As I kissed the sheriff’s wife in the courtroom from the witness chair
Well, Ma’am, says the magistrate, is that the kiss you lost before?
Well, says she: I’m not quite sure; perhaps if I could try one more
Then she kissed me without ration, a kiss of carnal passion
‘Till all the girls were blushin’ and the sheriff’s teeth were gnashin’
Araugh, proclaimed the magistrate, a clearer case I never saw
For both of you are guilty of crimes not covered by the law
To sentence you at all or to render a conviction
As much as some might like it it’s not in my jurisdiction
So I said to the gallery I’ll spend me next month’s salary
To celebrate across the street in the tavern of O’Mallery
Sure and anyone who comes they can help me drink away my sin
And everyone’s invited. . . but do not let the sheriff in
Well, we all rushed across the street in high anticipation
To celebrate the famous justice of the Irish nation
The word went round that drinks were free and people came from miles to see
The farmer’s son who’d won the day and kissed his way to liberty
Well by twos and by threes we all rushed into the drinkin’ hall
Young men and old men and girls who were not men at all
And we drank all the beer that me monthly wage would cover
Then Michael Conway said that he would pay for yet another
When that was finish, Ill be bound, each other man put up a pound
And we drank until we couldn’t lift a glass to drink another round
Then we all staggered home by the light upon the summer moon
And no one that was there that night got out of bed ‘till after noon
And that was the day I’ll remember fondly all me life
The day that made me famous for the Kissin’ Of the Sheriff’s Wife